From Waiting to Flow: The Sabaki Mindset and the Art of Change
I'm waiting to find the right moment. To tell somebody my boundaries, to let go of a situation, to start therapy. Have you ever entertained the idea that "waiting for the right moment" is a lie we often tell ourselves? From small things, like 'I'm waiting for the right moment to do my taxes,' to more complex emotional situations.
Waiting often comes with a cost. And it's usually a very high price of time. A lot of time can pass waiting for the right moment. The waiting game is often a rigid, non-adaptable one, made of sturdy walls that look for certainty.
In the millennia-old board game of Go, a concept that has recently captured my attention is called Sabaki. The concept of "sabaki" in Go is all about a light, flexible, and efficient way of dealing with a difficult situation—sacrificing a few stones to create a new, stable position. While sacrificing territory through stones, the player is actually opening up a more fluid game—one that keeps multiple scenarios in mind at once, and promotes agility and creativity. Letting go of some stones can actually strengthen the overall game, moving it from a position of siege to one of creative fluidity where some sacrifices are needed to sit comfortably in an uncomfortable situation.
Have you ever played Go?
I believe the concept of Sabaki can give us the same room and oxygen in all the situations that make us feel trapped or under siege. More life enters when we move from the rigidity of expectations and societal demands to inhabit the discomfort of change in a way that keeps different scenarios alive at once. Reality will deliver a choice at a certain moment. But counting your breaths while oxygen levels are lowering makes the horizon smaller. Instead, actively engaging with your limitations and finding creative solutions sometimes means letting go of the warmth and welcoming the cold entering from an opened window. This allows emotions to sit and go and stops spiraling thoughts from eating up our energy. Sabaki is the very art of letting go of what was put in place with a plan. For a better plan to emerge, the old one needs to be let go.
While sometimes waiting can be a good strategy (as long as its cost is acknowledged), it is often anxiety-inducing and feeds the fear of starting. Playing Sabaki is trusting the process; it's believing that allowing flow in the room now creates the wiggle room where you can foster emotional regulation. It is letting go of the idea that everything needs to be sorted out and thought through before making a move. The uncomfortable truth that Sabaki teaches us is this: welcoming discomfort helps us grow into finding a flexible balance.
